Watch this space :]
Watch this space :]
No, not sick as in " I have a cold" sick. Sick as in effing fed up.
I've had it up to HERE! with this bullshit. I'm effing sick of secrecy, drama, and people who don't give a shit about anything but themselves.
I'm just tired of being alone. I have nobody at all. And I am not exaggerating. Every single day is the same. Not an effing call, text, nothing. Nobody gives a shit.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not the type to whine about everything, but there comes a point where enough is enough.
I can't help but think that leaving New York was a big mistake. I moved thinking that I would build a life here, complete with close friends. Boy was I wrong!
2 1/2 years and NOTHING. All I've accomplished so far is burying my ass in debt and become progressively unhappy. It pisses me off to think that I've done all this for bloody nothing. I left my family and best friends behind, turned down way too many scholarships, and pretty much sent my safety net to hell hoping to find myself here. Oh, I found myself alright. I found myself (and still do) holed up in my room night after night because I couldn't be bothered pretending to like/be nice to somebody. I feel like I'm always there for people, but nobody's there to return the favor. Fuck, that sounds selfish, but you know what? I think it's about time for me to be selfish for once.
I can't pretend anymore. This has got to change.
I have been thinking a lot about moving. Paris, Milan, Antwerp. They're all big fashion cities that would allow me to do what I want career-wise. Who the hell knows what the people there would be like, but it sure as hell can't get much worse than this. I WANT OUT!
I need new people. A new life. A new something! I don't think I can handle this for much longer.
You know what I just realized right this second? I AM MISERABLE.
And that is an understatement. What the heck am I doing with my life?
Now you know why I haven't posted the "awesomeness" I was supposed to post....
So, since this page/blog/site/journal/whateverthehellyo
Now it's not going to be 5000 days in a row, but expect an update at least once every 3 days. All together now: YAAAAAAAAYYY!!!
These are a few of the topics that I will be covering:
- Karl Lagerfeld (Including Chanel)
- John Galliano (including Dior)
- Gossip Girl
- Herve Leger
- Coco Chanel
- Trends (both awesome and annoying)
And of course the random ramblings of my ridiculous mind.
There you have it. Starting tomorrow NEW AND IMPROVED!
I've had so many friggin things in my mind lately. My brain pretty much never shuts up these days. University, money, more university stuff, people, Mr. Big. I worry about anything and everything, but the one thing that has been bugging me a lot lately is maturity.
Now I'm the kind of girl that makes a joke about everything (as if you can't tell from reading all the crap that I write). It's my way of dealing with things. Somehow, making a joke about something makes it less painful, no matter how bad it is. I'm known as the funny girl. People don't really take me seriously. They are shocked when they learn that I'm actually pretty friggin smart and talented and this pisses me off beyond belief. I mean, they don't even know me and immediately they think I'm some sort of moron because I like to have a laugh (usually at the expense of somebody else). The nerve of them! Well, apparently I'm being put in a little category that I absolutely abhor.
Right now you're probably wondering what the hell I'm going on about, so here it goes.
It seems to me that a lot of people are well...immature. Stuck in stupid little stages, refusing to let go. They do things and seek people who aren't necessarily adequate for their age. I've seen tantrums and childish behaviours in people who are old enough to have a friggin family. What the hell?! There comes a time when one needs to let go of acting like a 15-year-old and embrace adulthood. Grow the hell up and stop treating life as if it was a permanet high school! Certain things stop being cute and become extremely annoying. These things don't make people like you more. It makes me want to take a sharp object and throw it at their heads.This applies to everyone ranging from 18 to infinity. I'm not talking about becoming an uptight little biotch, but some things are just plain dumb. If you ask me, it doesn't make you look cool, but rather highlights your issues.
I am honestly sick and tired of dealing with these people. Their only care seems to be what other people think about them. I've had my fair share of stupid drama. I am full to the brim with stories that I wish I could erase from my brain forever. And everything goes back to one thing: the immaturity of some little bastard. It seems that these people follow me around. No matter what I do, I end up with these people in my life. It makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me. Am I carrying a sign that says "If you're a spoiled brat, please queue here"?
I am quite possibly the most ridiculous person ever. I joke too much, say and do crazy things, and laugh entirely too loud at times. I bring the fun, but I am definitely not immature. I might look young and be girly as hell, but I sure as hell don't act like a needy child. Heck, I've even been told I'm the biggest bitch/bore because I refuse to act like a fool. So, I don't quite understand what the fuck am doing wrong. Why am I being put in the "immature" folder?
I have aboslutely no desire to be labeled a part of this rampant idiocy. I'm not kid. I'm not a clone.
I have a brain and I'm not afraid to use it. I have a personality that doesn't need to be faked.
And now that I've offended a good part of the population, I'm done.
Either you like me or you don't. Make up your mind! There's no "in between"! Holy frigging rawr, just put me out of my misery already. It's no fun being in the dark.
I am very sick and tired of having to guess. Words that can have many meanings, actions that can be misinterpreted. AAARRRGH!
That's it. I'm joining a convent.
P.S. Fashion post coming later :]
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O, no! it is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
I am the most peculiar person when it comes to this subject though. I'm some sort of closet romantic, I guess. Don't want to believe in in, but can't deny it's there. I approach this thing in a very cynical manner. Why? Well I would have to kill you if I told you.
You're probably asking yourself what the hell does this have to do with anything? Here's your answer.
I've been plagued by insomnia as of late.My brain will not shut up. I am restless, tense, and tired. And in this zombie-like state of existence, one thing in particular keeps circling my mind: Love.
That thing that is supposedly the end-all be-all of life. We are either rejecting or seeking it, but it's always there. It inspires metaphors and stories to no end. Some may say it's the key to total happiness...or is it?
As human beings, it's our instinct to search for love from our early stages. Babies crying for their mothers, the warmth of another body, etc. As we grow older it gets more and more complicated. Cooties, crushes, first times, first loves.
With that comes pain. Hearts are broken, shattered, torn. Yes, people get over it, but to what extent? It is common sense that once a delicate thing is broken it is impossible for it to be exactly the same again. And so walls are built. Arrogance, aloofness, detachment.
Here lies the problem....
We all have been through heartache, have we not? We all have walls and limits. Therefore, how the hell are we to find this "love" we talk about if we're all so guarded? If nothing is worth us letting our guard down, then how do you find true love?
Speaking of which, what the hell is it that we all look for so desperately? Is it to love and be loved with an all-consuming passion? Well if you ask me, this idea is absolutely ridiculous at best given the situation. I mean, if we are unable to look beyond the barriers we have imposed, how do we find that person who is willing to love us, bitchiness and all? All we ever do is find flaws in each and completely ignore the good qualities. Nobody bothers to wander outside of their own little fantasy, so how do we find "the one"? What if that person already came but we missed our chance because the just didn't seem "good enough'?
And another problem arises. We put each other down constantly. Whether on purpose or accidentally, the fact of the matter remains that we judge everyone. It doesn't stop there, however. We're not happy with ourselves, so we feel the need to pick everybody else apart to makes ourselves feel better. What kind of fuckery is this?! What ever happened to self-love? If you can't love yourself, how can you expect somebody else to love you? There is no way you can be happy if you're not happy with who you are, no matter how much somebody else loves you. Seeking self validation through someone else....HA! Now that's what I call barking at the wrong tree!
It's all a game of cat and mouse. We want to be in love, yet when it chases us we will not let ourselves be caught. What do we run from? And most importantly, why?
So, as you can see the matter is a obscenely complicated one. We look for something that, quite frankly, might never come. Spoken like a true bitter old hag! :D
And now that I've had my say, I will crawl back up my cynic wall and wait for my Prince Charming to come.
A lot of things have happened, I supposed. For starters, I'm in NYC for pretty much the whole summer. Well, half....
First summer in the city in 2 years. Its friggin weird to say the least. I had forgotten how retarded this place gets during this time of the year. And of course reinforces my hatred of tourist. I mean, holy friggin rawr just...ARGH! Yeah. Aren't I nice?
So no school. No nothing. It's a great feeling, having nothing to do....Alright you got me. I'm bored off my ass.
Yes, I have a lot of fun with my friends. They make me gigglesnort and it's amazing.
Yes, I know there are many things I could do. But am I inclined to do them? Hell no....
The thing is (and many people are going to want to rip my head off because of this) I don't think I'm a NY person anymore. Sad isn't it? You live somewhere your whole frigging life, go away for a couple of years (AKA move the heck awaaayyyy), you come back, and suddenly...you don't fit in. It's an odd feeling. It's like I'm between identities. It's a situation that deserves a big WTF?!
Another such situation is the love life (or lack thereof). You know about Mr. Big already. He's still clueless. And amazing. And I want him.
BUT! (and it's a big "but") there's someone else. Mmmmhhhmmm. Barbie has found her Ken! And surprise surprise...he doesn't know. Or...I don't know. He might. The point isss....he's kinda perfect (hence why I'm gonna call him Mr. Right). We've been friends since forever. And the relationship started to move in the other direction recently. All his doing of course. I was shocked as a person who had touched a plug with wet feet....
Point being, he's awesomely lovely and such...but I don't really feel the fatal attraction that I feel with Mr. Big. I've gotten a lot of WTF's and weird looks whenever I explain this situation to somebody. How can I not like a boy who seems to be my other half?! They ask me. Truth is, I don't know. I guess deep down I'm still holding out for Mr. Big. However retarded that might sound. All I can say is when it's right, it's right and well...he's right.
I guess that's my life in a nutshell. Lame huh?. Ah well. Nothing riveting is going to happen until I get hot, I tell you. It's like...my curse.
The amazing shoes have become a staple of every woman's wardrobe, although not all have the courage (or bank accounts) to feed this healthy fetish. Who doesn't want shoes that make them uber-fierce and make your legs look 5,000 miles long?!
Monsieur Louboutin has created just this. His shoes are so much more than just an accessory. There's a whole lifestyle attached to them, just like every other trend, be it fashion or otherwise.
They're like fabulous little pieces of candy that even the most serious dieter cannot resist. I mean, I went into the store last week and nearly emptied my account on some delicious glittery pumps. *Sigh* I need a DH urgently.....
Anyways, enough beasty-ness. Here are a select few pieces of art to make you fashionistas drool all over the keyboard ;)